SPEAK MEMORY!
July 8, 2006
Hi Hubert, I'm sure that I've written you recently but I don't seem able to find my mail to you nor even your reply - perhaps I dreamed it? My dreams of late are truly strange.
No that's not right!
I'm writing up notes not a mail to Hubert. It's oddly symptomatic though that I lost it briefly there. I should have written these notes up a few days back when I had the original idea andor breakthrough but when I sat down I could not for the life of me remember what I was supposed to be doing let alone what I was supposed to be writing about. and I've been trying to get back to that place in my memory ever since. I'm losing it - or is it being taken from me? The more I think of it, and that's getting to be more tricky daily, the more I'm convinced that the blight on my life intellectual in these last weeks is Lazheimer's disease: designed and induced by that misbegotten monster Laz.
It's not that I've forgotten ... not as if some lacuna or hole has opened up in my memory banks ... I know the memory is there ... stored safely away ... not lost ... it's more as though the problem is in the recall ... I know it has the same end effect but ... there is a difference ... if it were gone that would be a different, less frustrating symptom but this constant tip of the tongue thing is a thing that fills me with a rage ... I know that something is there that I must recall ... and I cannot ... as though someone had, momentarily built a ring road around a particular part of my existence ... my existence only exists if I, or some someone else, can recall it ... that is where immortality is possible ... (where the fuck is this ellipsis thing coming from? - I don't know) ... the thing is there but when I move toward it the road I'm using runs around it ... derailed ... diverted ... (Celine?) ... so what I've been doing is to sneak up on these memories ... stealth in recall is called for though how to do it? ... I have devised ways of appearing to head toward A when I'm really targetting Y ... seems to work ... how I got here ... where? ... yes OMNIUM.
It was writing to Hubert that brought it back to me. Selby, de Selby, Omnium, Lawn Mower - it all fell into place - like a chinese box rather than a jigsaw - like a clearing piece in Tetris. Omnium is the substance that grants de Selby omnipotence in the Dalkey Archive (or is it the Third Policeman? At Swim Two Birds? ... I could look it up but I can't think where Flann is filed) and that is what is inscribed on one of those boxes on the Laz's desk ... brass plaque worn and fingered smooth but that is what it said ... I know it. Know it and must not let them now I know. Trace tells me that DD is still trying to get in she sees his efforts and thwarts him diurnally. They must not know - hence this obscure entry. But it is the OMNIUM that will be his downfall ... now I know and know that they know not. It is the core of his power and will be mine! We move toward a death ... HIS. I will obliterate him. I shall wipe all trace of him from literary history. I shall, if I must, drill his gunsel and I shall hoist that comic black face by his own jolly roger - bandana and all.
Merdre - I forgot to put it behind the bookshelves and left it in clear view for a while - for Turing's sake I hope DD didn't see it.
(to be continued ...)